We can live like Jack and Sally if we want... and we'll have Halloween on Christmas...
Okay maybe there's some psychoanalytical reason that someone smarter than me can explain the topic of this post away with, but my recent break-up has left me reevaluating what I'm looking for in a relationship. So a couple of months ago, I was browsing the internet image board 4chan.org (I swear to Goth this is not a regular thing, my ex was a /b/tard). I learned quickly that there is no shortage of lonely people lurking on the internet. The original message read:
Femanon here, maybe some guys could give me insight on this. Are there actually guys out there who want a real relationship and a girl who's good-looking but someone they can also carry on a conversation with, someone who's funny, etc.? I'm scared to get involved in relationships because I feel like those guys do not exist or they put up a front for sex, but I've had heart-to-heart conversations with guys who claim that all they want is a chick who's down-to-earth and will love them and be there for them, etc. etc. I really don't fucking know.
And in between the expected "TITS OR GTFO" responses, I found one that I consider to be the best, wisest, but most overlooked philosophy in and about relationships.
I don't want a relationship, I want to meet girls and have fun. I'll CONSIDER a relationship with a girl who's interesting, funny, good-looking, etc. I think if you're looking for "a relationship," then you're actually looking to fill a little hole in your life, and the first peg that fits will do. That's greedy, self-centered, and dumb, and off-putting to people who sense the intention. The sad thing is, most people don't even realize they're doing that. When you just want to meet people whose company you enjoy, you can meet someone who's worth a relationship. Look for people first, relationship second. That way you're interacting with another human, and not just wanting anybody who can make you not lonely.
Now I'm curious about how this applies to the alternative scene at large. If you're looking to meet someone whose company you enjoy--and someone that you would consider having a relationship with--does it matter if that person falls into the same subculture as you? Does it make it easier?
There are certain lifestyle aspects, I think, that might be more easily understood by someone who has similar inclinations. At face value, there is the appearance factor. Tattoos, piercings, clothing styles outside of the mainstream-- these are things that would be a lot easier to accept between partners if one didn't have to explain (read: give excuses for) to the other. While I understand that one doesn't have to be "Goth" or "alternative" to necessarily listen to Industrial or watch horror movies, many people in the subculture like those things and thus are less likely to judge them. And for all of the creative types, work that might be called morbid or dark is presumably less likely to be criticized by a partner who isn't shocked or disgusted by something deemed too dark at face value.
In the Goth community alone, there are several dating websites which seem to be legit places for Goths to meet each other. The website www.gothicmatch.com was featured on Tyra Banks' daytime television show (okay, so it doesn't automatically make it credible, but at least it's gotten some attention) and www.gothscene.com reminds me of a match.com, but for Goths. I don't have a profile on either of them, so admittedly I haven't tried them, but I'd be interested to hear from anyone who has.
So now I'm curious. For all of my readers, I ask you, if you consider your tastes and/or lifestyle in any way to be "alternative," does your current partner fall into that same category? Do you share similar tastes? If your partner doesn't share the same lifestyle as you, then how does your relationship work? What brings you together? And if you're not with someone right now, how does living an alternative lifestyle affect what you look for in a partner? This isn't limited to exclusively Goths, by the way. Anyone indie, punk, artsy, etc. is welcome to chime in.
Please leave your comments on the blog using the link right underneath this post. Thanks so much, and I look forward to you all giving me something to think about that I can use in a future post.
